The third vignette in George Romero's 1982 horror classic is "Something to Tide You Over," starring a very young Ted Danson as hot ass sugar baby Harry Wentworth, and a very serious Leslie Nielsen, as rich as hell tech guy Richard Vickers. Richard finds out that Harry has been banging is wife, Becky, and he's tried of being a white-haired cuck in a bathrobe, so he decides to kill them both in like the most bizarre, longest, weirdest way ever. But whatever, rich ppl have time for this, I guess.
So, anyway, Richard owns a secluded beach property and he somehow talks his wife and Harry, on separate parts of the beach, into digging holes and allowing themselves to be buried in sand up to their necks. He plans on leaving them there while the tide comes in, with the creepy instructions that they can live through it if they can hold their breaths for long enough. Is this even true? I mean, no, I'm gonna say no, but maybe those Myth Busters can figure it out. Or The Impractical Jokers or something. They're always pretty close to death, anyway. Also, Richard, that sick fuck, sets up a TV from 1968 on the beach next to Harry so that Harry can watch his lover die. Rude!
So, anyway, Richard owns a secluded beach property and he somehow talks his wife and Harry, on separate parts of the beach, into digging holes and allowing themselves to be buried in sand up to their necks. He plans on leaving them there while the tide comes in, with the creepy instructions that they can live through it if they can hold their breaths for long enough. Is this even true? I mean, no, I'm gonna say no, but maybe those Myth Busters can figure it out. Or The Impractical Jokers or something. They're always pretty close to death, anyway. Also, Richard, that sick fuck, sets up a TV from 1968 on the beach next to Harry so that Harry can watch his lover die. Rude!
I mean, look at that thing, wtf. I'll bet it only gets the DuMont Network. I'll bet if you try to watch the news on that thing all the anchors are smoking. I'll bet if the ghost of Lucille Ball is haunting that thing, she still can't say the word "pregnant." It's old, is what I mean to say, super old. Anyway, the TV pisses out and the water gets closer. Poor Becky, who was buried further down the beach already sleeps with the fishes, and crazy old Richard has returned to his fancy 70's house which is filled with all the fancy 70's amenities, such as walk in shower and a wall of VCRs. He pours himself a drink settles in to watch his wife and her hairy paramour die. Of course, Harry looks dead in the camera and is like, lol, not today mother fucker, we fitting to come back as some kind of green ass sea monster looking things. That's paraphrasing but whatever.
UNDEFEATED.
The next day, Richard scopes the beach and only finds his hot technology, no bodies. But. He hears his name whispered menacingly in the wind so ofc he's like, well, time to go home and take a shower. Sidebar: if you were ever dreaming of watching Leslie Nielsen take a shower, this is the film segment for you. As he sensuously lathers his body, his state of the art 70's house fills with green smoke. Richard climbs sexily from the shower, limbs dripping, and throws on the same bathrobe you bought your dad for his 60th birthday when he was too old to keep acting like you weren't a constant disappointment. And he gets a gun, whatever. I mean, hey, spend a hundred grand on VCRs but don't get an alarm system. He's greeted by some green ass sea monster looking things, who are still deeply in love, thank you very much.
"WE LOVED YOU IN REPOSSESSED."
Richard tries to shoot them and then he tries to run, but that's not the way it works, ass. Instead of just killing him and ripping his head off or whatever, Sea Monsters Harry and Becky decide to be diplomatic af and just bury Richard up to his neck on the beach in the way he did them. LOL, one problem, Sea Monsters Harry and Becky: if your asses came back, so will he, and you'll have to deal with that for an eternity. Him talking about how he gets only the best vodka from Russian gangsters. Him talking about the time he met Tova Borgnine. Him going on and on about how VHS is superior to Beta. Good job. Shoulda just left his ass alive and let the IRS deal with him.
"And then I says to Joey Heatherton, I says..."
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