The second vignette in the 1982 George Romero classic Creepshow is "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill, and, idk, I may not have the strength for this rn. It's a lot. It stars writer Stephen King in the titular role in a performance that can only be described as "Well, Stephen, we already got the funding to make this movie, so do whatever the fuck you want."
Jordy is a down-on-his-luck (southern?) yokel who witnesses a meteor strike down right on his property. Naturally, he jumps around being stupid about it. Ofc, he's wearing a flannel shirt and overalls to really drive home that he's not bright. The haircut was his own, though. He touches the meteor and it's hot so he screams and sucks his burned fingers to subtlety let the viewer know that IT'S HOT. Then he has an elaborate fantasy about jilting a local college professor out of 200 dollars to pay off his bank loans, which is....ok, literally nothing this man owns, owned or will ever own costs 200 dollars, so I guess he gambled that shit away or spent it on magic beans.
Jordy is a down-on-his-luck (southern?) yokel who witnesses a meteor strike down right on his property. Naturally, he jumps around being stupid about it. Ofc, he's wearing a flannel shirt and overalls to really drive home that he's not bright. The haircut was his own, though. He touches the meteor and it's hot so he screams and sucks his burned fingers to subtlety let the viewer know that IT'S HOT. Then he has an elaborate fantasy about jilting a local college professor out of 200 dollars to pay off his bank loans, which is....ok, literally nothing this man owns, owned or will ever own costs 200 dollars, so I guess he gambled that shit away or spent it on magic beans.
Anyway, Jordy pours a bucket of water on the meteor, splashing himself with a glowing green METEOR SHIT substance, and the meteor cracks in half. Dejected, he goes inside to drink and watch wrestling. Soon, though, he discovers that anywhere that the meteor met water- like a filthy fingers he can't seem to keep out of his mouth- weeds are sprouting. This sparks an elaborate fantasy about going to the doctor and having his fingers cut off with a butcher knife. Oh, Stephen King, always so prescient about the healthcare issues of today.
"But at least we'll get rid a them imma-gents, right, Doc?"
Faced with this life-changing predicament, Jordy drinks makes himself a giant Screwdriver, which he actually stirs with the empty vodka bottle. Same. Same af. When he wakes from his stupor, he's like seventy five percent plant, including his penis, which ofc we have to know about because comedy. And it itches. He draws himself a bath and then has an elaborate fantasy about his dead father telling him not to get in the water because "the water is what it wants." But, lol, Jordy doesn't have to listen to you, dead father hallucination! Sadly, he wakes the next morning as a big ass pile of weeds, locates a shotgun and shoots himself in the head. The end.
And that's it, but, omg, I feel like so much more needs to be said about this section of the movie. It's just batshit. It's not only that you would watch it and doubt that Stephen King has ever met anyone from the south, you wonder if he's ever met *another human.* You can't look away, it's like all of his facial expressions are in a huge bar-fight. It's as though he invented a whole new concept called *Not-Dignity.* It's as though he looked in the mirror everyday of shooting and said, "today I will embarrass every person I've ever known." That being said, holy shit, if I got the chance, I could make this performance look like Anthony Hopkins in Remains of the Day.
And that's it, but, omg, I feel like so much more needs to be said about this section of the movie. It's just batshit. It's not only that you would watch it and doubt that Stephen King has ever met anyone from the south, you wonder if he's ever met *another human.* You can't look away, it's like all of his facial expressions are in a huge bar-fight. It's as though he invented a whole new concept called *Not-Dignity.* It's as though he looked in the mirror everyday of shooting and said, "today I will embarrass every person I've ever known." That being said, holy shit, if I got the chance, I could make this performance look like Anthony Hopkins in Remains of the Day.
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