My League of Extraodinary Blurbers

"Yes, I'll blurb you. Thank you so much for asking."

Well, my book (SHE CAME FROM BEYOND! 10/13/15 on OVERLOOK PRESS) is coming out soon, so I figured maybe I should write something actually kind of useful on my blog, as opposed to going on and on about the film Rudy. There's time for that later, my friends!! A thing I wanted to talk about is Blurbs- how I was terrified of them and how I now love them. 

Here's the thing with them, at least the way it was for me: I had this book, I got this agent, and then my agent sold this book to my publisher. And after all the changes and whatever, me, my agent and my editor made a list of all the people we should contact for blurbs. And, blurbs are those quotes from famous people you see on the backs of books or on websites saying how great the book is. So, here's this list, and basically it's the most massive fantasy superstar Christmas list that you can imagine. And, I mean, shit, I guess the reasoning behind this is that your sales will be bigger if you have a bigger name blurbing you. Like, someone will look on the back of your book and be like OH CHRIST IT'S OBAMA! OBAMA LIKES THIS BOOK YOU GUYS! LET'S ALL BUY THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BOOK THAT OBAMA LIKES! I'm not sure if that's the way it actually works, but that's the general idea. I mean, at least once, I've actually seen a superstar writer blurb a shitty book and thought less of the blurber, but I'm kind of an asshole, so whatever.

YOU WANT WHAT? HAHA, NO. NOW JUST GO BACK TO DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF MY HEAD.

Ok, so here's a thing: there's this idea really popular writers don't wanna blog for just anyone because it brings down their cred to some extent. No one ever gave this excuse to me, obviously, but at least one guy, who I won't name, said through his publicist that he "doesn't blurb," which was all well and good until I saw this guy blurbing like four other books. I guess I see it as kind of a high school cafeteria situation, which may or may not be accurate. Maybe, metaphorically, there are different tables and different levels of popularity, and maybe there's this influx of us, little freshman debut novelists sort of bumping around with our trays, looking for a spot. Of course some freshmen are legacies and they can go where they want and all the big senior writers fawn over them. But, maybe, metaphorically, for the rest of us, there are a lot of YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US tables.

Caption unnessesary.

So, my editor sent out a bunch of galleys to a bunch of writers' publicists, and, in some cases, she sent a note out first, sort of testing the waters. We got two blurbs from that, excellent blurbs from Hannah Pittard, the author of Reunion and Lyndsay Faye of the Timothy Wilde Trilogy- both amazing writers and renowned hot-asses. After that it kind of dried up. No one was interested in reading or even responding to my book. At some point during the process, my editor suggested that I write to Joe Bob Briggs, who I had suggested as a possible blurber, as the only contact information available for him was a little form you had to fill out on his official website. So, I did it. I wrote him a really earnest, heartfelt letter and sent it. And...nothing. No answer. I actually sent this letter two more times over the following three months, because, I don't know, glutton for punishment?  And wine? Again, nothing. Nothing two more times.

You can't sit with me, either.

But! I did learn something from this! I learned that the most comfortable way for me to get blurbs was for me to get blurbs. To just walk the earth, getting blurbs. Also, I decided to go against the regular, and to leave the cafeteria and scope out the AV Club, the Drama Kids, the Cooking Club. I wrote effusive letters to people who's work I LOVED. Frank Coniff, TV's Frank from Mystery Science 3000. Fred Olen Ray, director of such amazing B-movies as Attack of the 60 Ft. Centerfold. Sarah Blake, my friend and the author of MR. WEST, a book of beautiful poetry that intertwines her pregnancy with her love of rapper Kanye West. Jenette Goldstein, who played Vasquez in the movie Aliens. Stephen Lee, adorable contestant and almost (should have been) winner of the sixth season of MasterChef. All of them not only said yes, yes they would give me a blurb, they all were so happy and grateful to get a personal email. These people made up a very elite team of specialized nerds: My LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY BLURBERS.

If I may, in all their glory:

Chef Lee, not happy about pomegranate seeds.

Fred Olen Ray, and associate.

Millie, and associate (Frank Conniff)

Jenette Goldstein, not here for Hudson's shit.

Sarah Blake, being cuter than any of us have any right to be, frankly.

AREN'T THEY THE BEST? I love them, and Pittard, and Faye, SO MADLY. Something that I had the most anxiety about- getting blurbs- has become one of my greatest accomplishments. Because, ok look, maybe Dave Eggers liking my book (and he didn't obviously; and he probs doesn't even know about it) would help me (maybe) with sales or notoriety  or whatever but it doesn't say anything ABOUT ME, or about my book, even. I don't know what a blurb says, honestly, about an artist or a book, but I know that the all the people who blurbed my book are all people whose work has mattered TO ME. And, oh, guess what showed up in my email box last week:

Nadine!

I feel so guilty. This is what happens when I don't get to my email in time. I assume it's too late to read the book and get a blurb back to you. I've been working on my own book and sending out exactly this same kind of letter to potential blurbers, so I feel DOUBLY GUILTY.

At any rate, thanks for the nice words. If you still want to send it, my address is:
XXXXXXXXXX
​XXXXXXXXXX

Good luck with it. And send me your postal mailing address and I'll send you my book if you'd like to have one.

Thanks so much for all the nice words.

Joe Bob

Ok, then, have a seat.

So, that's that. A really cool thing from a really stressful thing. I guess what I'm saying is...I have a great editor and a great publicist, and they did great by me in getting me two fantastic blurbs from two fantastic writers, but I really had to put myself out there for the rest. I had to be a fan, and I had to be vulnerable. I had to believe in my work enough to stand behind it.  And here's what happened.