0:10- Here we see Kelly sitting on stage in a wooden kitchen chair. No. What are you blind? With a simple moment of his arm he has transformed us into his story, a story of a man who is driving! The phone rings! He reaches for it! Wait, he was drunk! Look out for that truck, R. Kelly! Oh, now he's in the hospital, but still in that chair. Now he's the doctor, insisting that the drunk driver's wife pull the plug on her husband. Look at that yanking motion. Rumor has it R. Kelly actually enrolled in four years of medical school, majoring in ADVANCED CORD YANKING, to get that one, effortless movement down pat.
3:44-5:26- Kelly, having run though his Gallagher-like prop trunk and now backed by a choir that seems suspiciously similar to what once was the audience, sings and pontificates and performs various other vocal acrobatics about being saved. Keep in mind, that's a lot of saving.
Look, believe it or don't, I don't have all the answers. I do have all the answers to The Simpsons trivia, unless we're talking about anything after season 10, but that's another story. Basically, what I want to say, is that what Kelly is saying doesn't seem like bullshit, it's just how he's saying it. And, the whole time I was just picturing Jesus at home, being like, "Oh, is he calling me on his hand again? Awesome." This video will go down in history as the only time I saw a thing on TV that was so wrong and so messed up that I wished that someone, ANYONE, had been there to share it with, just to be, like, OMG, THIS IS BULLSHIT. SO, thanks for that, I guess, R. Kelly. Thanks, for creating whatever the hell this was.